Okay....
Sometimes I feel like a ball of yarn being batted around for someones amusement. Other days I feel like I'm be pulled so hard that I'm nothing but a small ball with all my string lying around me in a puddle of a mess. Then you get those rare occasions where you're filled back up, you're yarn is all neat and shinning and you've been put back together like a brand new ball. What a day.
So....why does this happen so often? What is this life? If you believe in God...well the 'Christian God', your life is only a passing moment and all your hard times will be rewarded. And, although you are suppose to live on earth and learn, you are to not be tied to it. Whatever that means. Most religions have something to that kind of ideal...either way your life is the play thing of a God, loving or not depending on the rules set forth.
What if you don't believe in a God or Fate or anything? Easy street right? No. Then everything is your fault and nothing but this life is yours. Good or bad. So what is f**&King with you? Life in general. Not sure that's any better. Maybe it is a comfort to feel like you're in control; however, even if there isn't anyone pulling the strings, bad things can and are still out of your hands a lot of the time.
I've always said, you have to take pleasure in the small things in life. I am grateful that things could have been worse a lot sooner. We will be able to fix things soon enough, but still, some aspects we didn't think would happen...did. Hence, making the few days we do have to deal, much harder, and that's what I'm talking about. The rental place we live in has never really been updated, (even the stuff that should have been, but you know that saying. 'If it ain't broke.....' Well sometimes you need to change it up anyhoo.) so yeah, worst of it is, we are doing the fixing on this rental. It has given us a little leverage due to unexpected issues with work, (thankfully) but still adds to the now annoying situation, we knew may happen, worse. Unneeded stress that is here due to others not wanted to spend a little out of pocket. (Why do we pay rent???) Members of our family out of work, (for a time), do to horrible people sitting in big offices that don't give a crap about anyone. I know, life is changing and good, bad, okay, better, crappy, ....etc. Yet, sometimes it seems like it's all bad with a little less crappy.
How does one deal? Well, you can write. Eat. Drink. Play games. Read. What is that called...? Oh, right, it's escape. We all need one. Some are better then others, but that is what we as humans do. Escape. Even if for only a little while. I do believe in God, so I know who I first get annoyed with when things stay bad, or get a little better then slide back down. (Which is a good point of bring up the other thing we love to do, complain or get crap off our chest. Rant. Yes...all good things.) This does bring me a little comfort since God does say all bad things he does allow. This may be good at times, teach you humility, compassion, and general non-dickness. And a little, 'What the Hell???' when you see someone with little to complain about. (Although they seem to do anyway over the dumbest crap. I know, I know it's important to them, come to me when you can't pay bills no matter how hard you try.) But, even these, 'lessons' or 'character building' can get a bit wearing.
I know things are getting better, even in our little world, yet I'm rather aware how fragile that all is and that is a very big reason why I feel life is a ball of yarn. Don't get me wrong, I think you can fully pull your own strings by actions you take. No one is fully blameless in all things they do, but if your not the one pulling the strings, then whatever life is, whatever you believe in, humanity, God, luck or etc...something is batting you around. Here's the thing though, for each hardship, (more so, I think, for those times you don't really have a lot of control over, wears on you a bit more.) Just like a real ball of yarn, you never can be quite the same again. Some of this is good, you loosen up, get a little more personality, and often you find you learn how to have and be more fun as you gain experience. However, if you're not careful and you keep getting pulled out of shape, you can quickly find yourself to lose and brittle. Frayed and grumpy and soon batted out of sight with faded color and forgotten. This I fear the most. It can be hard, but it is important to take joy in the small things, the good items and people that make you smile. That way, when those hard times come, you don't hold so tight to the middle of the ball, but flex and move and allow a little pull. Some is good, and the other times, lean on the other yarn in the basket. We can all take more, when we get a brake and allow those close to us to take a little of the weight. Good luck.
-Out
